Morria’s Story

My life started out in abandon. My birth father never even wanted to see me. My birth mother knew she could not raise me herself. At three weeks old I was given into foster care. Then at six months old, I finally settled in with a family, yet for those first six months I went through 3 mothers. That will unsettle any child. As well, by birth, I am the second child. In my foster family, I was the second child. In my family now, I am the ONLY child. My world changed so much.

I was always a loner, an outsider. No matter how much I have tried, I never fit in. I wanted to be “normal”. See the world like normal kids. I had too big of an imagination….I was the dreamer….the story teller. For a time, this was great, because kids would come to me to lead them in stories to play. But as the years went on, and we grew up, I again was the misfit. Too much into history and not enough into guys to be normal. I never understood modern fashion, either. Why show off one’s body? I mean, where has modesty gone to? So, while my gal friends bought skimpier and skimpier clothing, I went to baggy shirts and jeans and Victorian dresses. I was a tomboy in many ways, no not sports so much, but swords, bows, arrows, daggers, anything sharp like that, but then the guys did not know what to do with a “young woman” who looked like one, but still knew how to fight. So yet again, I was on the outside. After all, I had always been more at home with the guys than the girls, and now they realized I really WAS a girl. Alone yet again.

Magic, the dark arts, had always intrigued me, but a good little church girl never does that stuff, especially not one who had been called to ministry since she was 7. So I began to live a double life. On one hand I was the church teen all mothers wanted their daughters to be like. On the other, I was becoming the exact opposite of what everyone expected of me. I was a thief, perverted in my mind, and a druidess, a follower of the olden Celtic arts. I kept on living a double live, up until I was 19. At this time, I decided enough is enough, I am a Christian, I am a Goth, and I am not hiding from the world anymore. The Bible tells us to put away the dark arts, to cast down idols, to stop stealing, and to prossue no forms of perversion. My life at that point began to fall into place. I was so excited. I began ministry, applying towards college, and interning at local churches and ministries.

Then death struck, not once but 6 times in a six month period. Many doctors say it takes people 7 years to deal with the death of just 1 person close to them, and I was dealing with 6. I could not take it. Death was my only option, so it seemed. Even that failed. During this time as well, I kept fighting myself, for again I was practicing the druid arts and stealing. Then the dam broke. The college I had felt called to go to since I was 15, failed to accept me, and could give me NO reason for it. From that point on, I did not care, for all hope was gone. Sex, drugs, drinking, and even cutting were my answers. I was abusing normal medicines, and when those failed I turned to others. But God was not done, and pulled me back out of it all. It was a slow thing. I broke with the druidic stuff as best I could right off. Then Jesus got me to stop drinking, drugs and smoking, and cold turkey at that. True, none of this is easy, but as I am learning more of who I am in Christ the Way is sure.

Finally at the age of 22, my feet hit the ground and I started to dust myself off. I still had issues with my health, and had since a horrid illness when I was 16. I still was working through cutting, and from time to time issues from my druidic past came up. He has blessed me with an awesome subculture “family”. Even now, in school again, I still feel outside. Even at church, there are times I feel alone. But God is with me, and I am His. There is no turning back, all or nothing. My life is His, and Jesus is using it to touch many hurting, just like I was. God be with you all.

~ Morria